Herring Jokes

Yo mama so fat, her belly button got 15 minutes before her.

My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"

I remember asking my mum: "What's a couple?"

She replied, "Two or three."

Which probably explains her collapsed marriage.

Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”

Repost

A still from Sesame Street shows Ernie and Bert standing next to a snowman. In the bottom of the image, overlaid on a black background, are the words: "You can still hear her heart beat!" Ernie said. It wasn't until spring that the hooker's dead body would show up on the playground.

What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?

They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"

My sis is very funny. Her fave joke is:

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Mr. Nobody." "Mr. Nobody who?" "I just told you!"

I told her "I love you." She said, "I love me too."

My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.

I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."

Sayori: *dies*

Monika: "You kinda left her hanging... 😊"

MC: "😨"

I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.

Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."