Herring jokes

I saw a fat woman at the bus stop today, so I asked her, "When's it due?"

She replied, "I'm not fucking pregnant, you rude prick!"

I said, "I meant the bus, you fat cunt!"

What is the difference between a feminazi and a female prostitute?

If you want the female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

Why is it okay for a woman to use me when she feels like it, but when I use her body when I feel like it, I am the bad guy?

The other day my wife told me to pass her her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick... she still isn't talking to me.

Q: What did the little girl say to her leper daddy?

A: "Oops, I got your nose!"

Your mama is so fat, when scientists discovered her, they thought it was a new galaxy.

I saw a girl crying. I asked her where her parents were, and she started to cry even more.

Man, I love working in the orphanage.

What is a redneck virgin?

Answer: A seven-year-old that can run faster than her brothers!

Yo mama's so fat her belly button has an echo.

What can you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing that you haven't told her twice already.

Yo mama's so fat, I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas.

Sally had 9 pounds of boobs (9), which was 2 2 many (922), so on the 9th of the month (9229) at 6pm (92296) on 68 street (922968), she went to doctor x to get 6 operations (922968x6) and left her (flip your calculator) boobless.

What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?

One’s finger-licking good and the other is just a fast food restaurant.

My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.

Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.

Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.

Yo mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

Guy: Hi, how was your day today?

Woman: Good!

Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*

Guy: How many months pregnant are you?

Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.

Yo mama so fat, her belly button got 15 minutes before her.

My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.