Herring jokes

My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."

Yo mama is so fat even Dora can't explore her.

A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"

The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"

Did you know Helen had a playhouse in her backyard? Neither did she!

My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.

Yo mama is so fat that she is not wrong when she says the world revolves around her.

My friend is so short, whenever I dance with her, it’s like dancing with a golf tee.

Why doesn't Laila in UHS need an insult?

Have a look at her face!

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.

When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.

She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"

54 students died that day.

The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.

A can of worms popping up and down inside a lot of people and a girl ate the can of worms: It was her imaginenation.

Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."

A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."

A boy throws his bag out the window.

The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"

The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."

My girlfriend accuse me of cheating. I asked her what was I supposed to do? She was just lying naked she said just do the damn autopsy.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and slapped his thigh and said, "You know you wanna."

Jill said yes, picked up her dress and said, "Let's have some fun!"

Silly ole Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

Why did the orphan girl cry during sex?

Because her boyfriend said "Who's your daddy?"

BAJAHAHAHHAA

An emo girl dyed her hair red.

Where does her hairline start? Her wrist.

My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.

Yo momma so fat, I took a photo of her last year and it's still printing.

My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.