Herring jokes

Yo mama so fat, even Dora couldn't explore her.

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

"Your mum has very small balls. Congrats! I told her, your balls are bigger than your husband's."

How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."

Yo mama so ugly, her mirror broke.

Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."

Your mum's so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.

My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.

Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95

My heart broke as I went down the stairs, and my girlfriend broke her heart.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They stuck a plunger down the toilet.

Yo mama so fat, when she was telling me her weight, I thought she was telling me her number.

I saw a girl crying. I told her, "Where are your parents?" She cried more after that. I got kicked out of the orphanage.

The emo girl got jealous that her phone died and not her.

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.

“Come again!” says the woman behind the desk.

“No, it’s curry this time.”

Your sister is so stupid, she only thinks an onion will make people cry.

So I threw a coconut at her.

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?

I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.

So she gave me a hug.