Herring jokes

When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.

Yo mama is so dumb, she spent all her money on free subscriptions!

Yo mama is so clumsy, when she had her first kickboxing lesson, she kicked herself in the testicles.

What has 2 arms but no legs?

A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.

So I brought her a new bathroom scale.

Yo mama so fat that State Farm tried to get on her side but couldn’t.

The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)

What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?

Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”

Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.

Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.

Yo mama is so ugly, when she went for plastic surgery, they accidentally gave her face a Brazilian Butt Lift!

Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.

There is a joke that did not enter this page... Why? She is afraid they will laugh at her!

One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.

I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."

My girlfriend got COVID.

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.

I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.

Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.

I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.

Not screaming like her passengers.

My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."

What’s the difference between jelly and jam?

You can’t “jelly” it in her ass.