So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.
If you eat her out on her period, does that make you Cunt Dracula?
My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.
Hey My sister said your Mattick so I decided to to swim with her and she threw a ball at me so I went to my dad and she said why did you tell dad she was crying. Because I’m not getting a car seat
Don't say you want to eat out a five-year-old's pussy, because I have already shoved a glass dildo in her tight ass pussy, UwU.
Two natives sit in the bar getting shit faced. Almost closing time brother you gonna snag yeah I'm taking her home he walks over she gathers her things. Walking out together he takes her to his car outback they stay messing around then start having sex he starts to get carried away he looks at down at her she looks up at him and says slow down cousin your going to fast...
This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.
My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.
when ur cousin dies and everybody thinks ur her
FUCKING MENT
I am a God Na, na, na, na, na, na Yeah She's got makeup by the mirror in her bedroom Thigh-high fishnets and some black boots Nose pierced with the cigarette perfume Half dead, but she still looks so cute She is a monster in disguise And she knows all the words to the trap songs Takes pic's with a cherry-red lipstick Says she only dates guys with a big..., mmm
When you look exactly like your dead cousin and everybody thinks she faked her death.
FUCKING MENT
Little Johnny meets Big Suzy. Little Johnny and Big Suzy got together. Little Johnny still regrets getting together with her to this very day. The end.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched her thigh and said "Do you wanna?". Jill said yes and pulled up her dress and they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pills, and so they had a son.
One day, I'm going to Malta to a big hotel. In the morning, I go down to eat breakfast. I tell the waitress I want two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her I want a piece. She says, "Go to the toilet." I say, "You don't understand. I want a piece on my plate." She says, "You better not piss on your plate, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.
I don't need this shit!!
Later, I go to eat at the big restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife, but no fork. I tell her I wanted a fork. She tells me everyone wanna fuck. I say, "You don't understand, I want a fork on my table." She says, "You better not fuck on the table, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.
I don't need this shit!
So, I go back to my room in a hotel, and there are no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him I want a sheet. He tells me, go to the toilet. I say, "You don't understand, I want a sheet on my bed." He says, "You better not shit on my bed, you son of a bitch."
I go to the checkout, and the man at the desk says, 'Peace on you.' I say, 'Piss on you too, you son of a bitch. I'm going back to Italia. Arrivederci!'
I don't need this shit!
Moral of the story, don't go to Australia with a Korean accent.
your mums so fat i took a picture of her last christmas and its still printing
Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."
My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.
Until I threw a watermelon in her face.
My Grandmother died last month. The thing that bugs me to this day, I couldn't understand her last words... through the pillow.
"Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.
(Later)
"Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"
Hi guys, jokes for sister.
So I was listening to a song about "I hate you, are annoying, sister. I'm small and I'm smart," and when I showed it to her, she killed me, and later I was dancing and crying.
