New Her Jokes - Page 35 - Worst Jokes Ever

My heart broke as I went down the stairs, and my girlfriend broke her heart.

It was raining sadly all day. My wife, my two daughters, and me were stuck in the house when wife’s mom and dad just died.

Wife: 😭😭😭I wish this never happened.

Mia, our first daughter: Mommy, it’s ok. I love whenever I see you🥰🥰

Abby, our second daughter: I love you all. Only if you guys die I won’t, but I love you when you're alive 😉😏

Me, husband: What kind of nonsense was that? You love us when we’re alive, but you don’t love us when we’re dead🤥😥😓

Everyone except Abby: Abby, this is serious. Mommy’s mother and father died. Mia says: Yes, your mom is sadly down right now, you made her more sad😡🤬. Dad says: *sniffs* Abby, I had made a discussion. I will take you to an orphanage. I am sorry 😣 when I am better and happy and I forgot what you said then we’ll get you back. Mom says:

This was not a joke. I just did this for Love 💕

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help her check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

I was at school with friends. One of my friends had hair in her armpits. The rest of my friends and I tried not to laugh or say anything, until one of my friends laughed and told her she had hair in her armpits, so she ran to her locker to get hair remover and went to one of the restroom stalls.

Why did the Muslim man cross the road? To violently rape an eight-year-old girl, then indoctrinate her with Islamic scripture, and train her as a suicide bomber.

My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.

Your eyebrows and hairline are so far apart that when Dora the Explorer went and found your hairline and was trying to find your eyebrows, the map couldn't even tell her.

My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.

She said help, so I kicked her.

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.

What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?

Her miscarriage.

My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.

Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95

My mom tells me when I get into an argument with her that she brought me into this world and she can take me out. Sometimes I wanna tell her that I can do that for her.

The emo girl got jealous that her phone died and not her.

Yo momma's so stupid, her family tree is a telephone pole.

I saw a girl crying. I asked her, "Where are your parents?" She cried as I got kicked out of the orphanage.

What did the tree do to the emo? Left her hanging.

I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:

The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"