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A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably. Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly"
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
Holà soy Dora!
Can you help me find the 2 fuck I'm supposed to give?!
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.” “Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
What words black people can't say? "Thanks for your help, officer"
*2 friends fighting* Friend 3: cut it out you two!! Friend 4: it wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried...
(Phone call) This is Franks funeral home and grill where yesterday’s grief is todays beef. How may we help you ?
911 help hello never mind forget it your so stupid 😡😡😡😡😏
Why does Tesco like migits every little helps
"If you yeet one thing that has been yoted, the yeet gods will help you"-Chris Tyson, MrBeast's friend, and your mom >:)
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
I had morning wood one day then my sister saw and said I can help
Hi my sweet friends! This is for everyone who needs help right now :)
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
“Yes?” she inquires with a knowing smile. “May I help you?”
“I was wondering,” whispers the man, “are you the one who gives the handjobs?”
“Yes,” she purrs, “I am.”
The man replies, “Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger.”
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A riddle: My enemy is the Joker, I'm black and I help to save Gotham City. Who I'm?
I met a fat chick at the beach. People started asking me what I use for bait. Or do you want us to help throw the Whale back in the water?
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory, one day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station,I told her so you can weigh yourself on the truck scale.
Y’know what’s traumatizing?
Your mom breastfeeding in front of you.
Help.
