Michael Jackson goes to the doctor
Michael Jackson: Help doctor I've been shot. Doctor: I cant fix that but I can change your skin color so it doesn't happen again
The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office. "I'm feeling like killing myself," he said. "Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.
Emergency is their doctor anywhere ? My mom has a few problems & those problems is that my mom has big tits, fat ass & sweet pussy that needs attention. Help anyone.
One reason I like to tell riddles is because they help with critical thinking skills.
A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?" The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again." An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them." A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." "No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream." If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off? A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect." "Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist
Me: I'm depressed so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain
A boy was terrible at writing sentences so his teacher gave him an assignment to help with that. The boy was to go home, write five sentences and return to school the next day. When he went home, he took a notepad and a pen and went to his dad for help. His dad was in a very important business call so he angrily shouted at the child “Shut up you Donkey!” The boy noted down that sentence. He next went to his mom who assumed that he wanted to play video games so she said “No my dear, tomorrow.” That was his second sentence. For the third sentence he went to his older brother who was watching football where someone scored a goal so he was jumping up and down yelling “Goal! Goal!” For the fourth sentence he went to his sister who was singing “Spider-Man Spider-Man!”. For the last sentence he went to his grandmother who was cleaning the toilet and singing “Under the toilet, under the toilet”. He went to school the next day and his teacher asked him to tell her the sentences. The boy said, “Shut up you Donkey!” The teacher got angry after hearing this and asked the boy, “Do you want me to slap you?” The boy said, “No my dear, tomorrow.” This made the teacher so angry that she slapped the boy. Immediately he started jumping up and down yelling “Goal! Goal!” The teacher dragged him to the principal’s office as she was fed up with him. The principal asked the boy what his name was to which he replied by singing “ Spider-Man Spider-Man!” She asked him where he lived so he sang “Under the toilet, under the toilet”.
BREAKING NEWS
All the desert regions in the world are now considered lush rainforests. They house many different species of life and have significantly helped with the constant carbon dioxide emissions.
The reason why is because... Your texts are so dry.
what's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend? I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it.
I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help. Later that week I ran into them on the dance floor, one of them asked me if I wanted to dance I told her no, the other asked me if I knew what was cracking, I calmly said the floor.
I found the best Gofundme https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-get-the-time-machine.
Put Hellen Keller in Gorge Floyd’s position. How is she cry out for help would she just moan or would she try to do sign language?
I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes. A few hours later dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said “honey can you get the mashed potatoes” dad said “why she’s right here”
Freddy: Im coming for u >:)
Me:god no help
*game notification pops up with very loud sound*
I can make a living with the Treat Yo self budget
Yet I can’t use the Help yo self budget
Osama Bin Laden thrown in ocean!
People who helped with the Twin Towers Destruction: .....
I love the word legs.
Wanna help me spread the word?
A depressed man buys a gun for suicide but then thinks "maybe i shouldn't be doing this" and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.
My girl friend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl she said I was cheating but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy. The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!"
