Hell Jokes

Before Marriage Boy:At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No don't even thing about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍 After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.

Why is stephen hawkings in hell? He couldnt get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven

How do we know Stephen is dying in hell

There’s a stairway to heaven.

Hi guys, I have a brain teaser for you! Leave it in the comment section if you figure it out. Here you go! If you kill yourself (suicide which is technically murder) will you go to Heaven or Hell? Because you murdered yourself, but what if you were a Christian? That was my brain teaser for you guys! make sure you leave what you came up with for the answer in the comment section below!! PEACE OUT!!!! :)

A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him "Hey man What the hell you doing?". Blind guy says "Just looking around"

Give Kobe a plane ticket, he'll fly for the trip, but give Kobe a helicopter and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

I'M GOING TO HELL FOR THIS!!!

Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust ring in hell-

[god creating sharks] god: ok give them 3 rows of teeth. Angel: seems excessive but ok. God: and make them mean as hell. Angel: wtf y. God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO. Angel:.... god: and make one of the types have a hammer for a head angel: why do I still work for you? God: because I’m the only employer as of right now.

Why were the students jealous of the orphan?

He never had any Homework!

(I'm going to hell for this)

Angela: Kris, I just met the nicest, sweetest guy ever.

Kristie: Who is he and what is his name?

Angela: His name is Kevin.

Kristie: Kevin? I remember him. He said he had to go to Italy for a meeting, never seen him after that. What the hell is Kevin doing here?

Angela: I don't know.

a boy named jimmy was riding to hell to save his brothers and sister that is the last plase he pist there came a cross the devil part 1

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"

Things said by racist aliens:

"Some of my best friends are Green."

"I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship."

"You're very pretty for a Purple girl."

"We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!"

"Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people."

"You 2-headed people are so stupid!"

"No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes."

"Get the hell out of my store you grigger!"

"The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"

A women decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

’About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.<br> A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’

Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.

She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.

The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’

Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.

He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’

‘I was behind you at McDonalds’.