Heist jokes
Why do orphans rob banks?
Because they wanna feel wanted.
When did the cheetah steal from the bakery?
On Black Friday!!!
It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.
1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.
"You’re not going to have time to finish this," the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes, I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.
After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing.
1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
"No, you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late." The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact, I don’t," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.
"Do you know who I am?" the student asked again. "No, and I don’t care," replied the professor with an air of superiority.
"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.
Jack and Jill wanted some pills.
So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.
I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!
A man in Saudi Arabia was caught stealing hand sanitiser.
The silver lining for him is that he will not need hand sanitiser anymore!
Why did the orphan rob a bank?
For he can be wanted.
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
To buy a house.
Why did the orphan rob a bank?
To be wanted.
For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.
Stephen Hawking robbed the Apple store looking for a charger.
Why did the orphan commit a bank robbery?
So he could be wanted.
Why did the orphan rob a bank?
He wanted to be wanted! 😢😂
Why do blondes make bad bank robbers?
Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.
Why did the chicken crack the safe?
To get to her nest egg.
Jack and Jill went up the hill, both had Bacardi rum. When Jill's was gone, she wanted Jack's, that's why she took it from him.
Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?
I hear they got six months each.