I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"
Hearing Jokes
Did you hear about the new emo pizza? It cuts itself.
You when you face the boss the first time: :)
You when Dark Souls boss music starts playing on the second phase: :(
You when you ask why do you hear boss music: <(
You when the boss goes straight to his final phase after 1 hit:
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Did you hear about the midget who was beaten to death playing volleyball at a nudist colony?
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.
Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn't close the casket.
Did you hear they found a cure for autism? It's called Zyklon B.
Light it up blue 🔵
Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want—he can’t hear you.
Do you want to hear a dark joke? Let me turn the lights off.
When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Did you hear about the bisexual from Alabama? He can't decide whether to fuck his brother or his sister.
Did you hear about Alicia's car accident?
She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.
Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate?
I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.
Please folks, you can hit the thumbs up button on the ones you like. There is no need to repost.
Anyways,
Knock knock Who's there? Can I come in? Can I come in who? Can I Come In You!?
More often than not, I will cry when I masturbate. Some nights I'm a real tear jerker!
But on the nights and I smoke a lil pot and then masturbate, my dad ends up bugging me because I am a weed wacker.
How do you keep a dog from humping your leg? Pick him up and suck his dick.
How does Popeye keep his manly part from rusting? He sticks it in Olive Oil.
Snow White and the seven dwarfs are in the the tub feeling "HAPPY". Happy got out now they are fucking "GRUMPY".
What's worse than waking up and finding a "Penis" drawn on your forehead? Finding out it was "Traced".
If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster what would you have? 3 feet of my cock up your ass.
Did you know Batman was actually Black? Yeah he couldn't go a night with out Robyn!
Did you hear Gods Word Of The Day? Its Legs! Now lets go out and spread them.
What do you call a Mexican woman with no legs? Cunt-sway-low
Whats worse than sucking 25 oysters out of your Grandmas Pussy? Realizing you only put in 15.
I gave a deaf kid air pods for his birthday.
One day I caught my sister talking to my girlfriend, and she said, "You never told me you're lesbian." I said, "No, not at all." My girlfriend asked, "Why did you not tell her?" and I said, "Because every time I bring a girl home, I hear too much noise in her room, and I never get the chance to kiss them because she's cleaning the trash." She said, "Yeah, the trash is her junk."
Kid: Wanna hear a joke?
Me: Sure.
Kid: Why diddncjcjcbfjcbcjdbbskzmzj b b j no?
Me:?
