Where is the most dangerous place for a human being to be? In the womb of a woman who wants to abort her unborn baby. š¢
Jack and jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town game him a frown and his arms were pricked
My brother caught Covid last month.
First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"
I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
me explaining the school nurse that ice cant cure everything nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.
Just not for long!
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother. My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
WHEN DID I RELIZE COVID WAS SERIOUS
WHEN I SAW UR TEETH SOCAIL DISTANCING
A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.
What's the only part of a vegetable you cannot eat?
Wheelchair.
Pinocchio goes to the doctor for a checkup. When he gets there, the doctor asks him, "Do you have cancer?" Pinocchio replies, "That was very straight up, but no, Iām pretty sure I donāt have cancer." After saying this, his nose grew.
An apple a day keeps a doctor away... at least if you throw it hard enough.
So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesnāt see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."
Ads for meds be like: Chloroform its Chloroform helps with itchy eyes :side affects may include Acute Flaccid Myelitis (AFM) AIDS (HIV/AIDS) Alphaviruses. Alzheimer's Disease. Alzheimer's Diseases (Spanish) Arboviral Encephalitis. Arthritis. Babesiois.Cancer Unintentional injuries Chronic lower respiratory disease. ... Stroke and cerebrovascular diseases. ... Alzheimer's disease. ... Diabetes. ... Influenza and pneumonia.
I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother carl. he got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. when we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. it was pretty cholerious.
How do skeletons get COVID? From the coffin!
Me: spreading positivity.
Everyone else at the HIV testing center.
I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."
My friend said why do you have depression there is so much happiness in the world and I said why do you have asma there is so much air in the world
