I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful like cyanide
Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks... "Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"
"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."
I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning.
Doctor: You should stop masturbating. Me: Doc, I'm almost done.
My grandma was telling me to be positive. As i was going in for an aids test
People say rape is bad, it is because I don't want STD and HIV
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning
Why am I still alive? Pills give me stomache, blood makes faint, height frightens me...
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving.
IDK
Friend: Your t-shirt is cringe. Me: you should go get the Covid test because one of their symptoms is no taste
Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression... It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shiiii fuck ur mom
How did the dude with epilepsy win the break dancing competition?
He saw flashing lights.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
Man Goes To The Doctor He Has A Banana sticking out of one ear , a carrot stinking out of the other ear and a green been stinking out of one nostrils. "Doctor, I'm not feeling well" the man complains. " Well, it's no wonder" The Doctor replies " You're not eating right"
Im related to diarrhea it runs in my geans
Covid be like I'm going to take your breath away
Which nut is the worst for your diet? Donuts.
You look like the 0.01 percent of bacteria the Lysol didn't kill.
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
