Head Jokes

Osame bin laden

911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.

This joke problably flew over peoples heads, but for some people it flew into their head

5

Roses are red, life has no meaning, voices in my head, are constantly screaming.

jed beese
in Hill

Why do vegetarians give good head? Beause they’re used to eating nuts.

5
Anonymous

There were 1 mom and 3 kids. The first kid comes up and asks why is my name daisy? The mom says because when you were born a daisy fell on your head. The second kid asks their mom why is my name butterfly? The mom says because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head. Then the third kid yells ahjoejienfkef. The mom says shut up brick!

commit slip'n'slide

friend: hits head* others: how many fingers am i holding up? me: to friend* how suicidal am i on a scale from one to ten? friend: ten me: hes fine guys

MikeyAftonLoL

So I was being robbed and this guy had the gun to my head to i told him he was holding it backwards.

Allan
in School

Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:

“And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith’s telephone number on the door of the girl’s toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4.”

Student: a plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left? Teacher: 203 Student: how do you put an elephant in the fridge? Teacher: You can’t Student: yes you can, open fridge door put elephant in. How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? Teacher: open door put in giraffe? Student: no, take out elephant put in giraffe. The lion king is having a party, who isn’t there? Teacher: let me guess, the lion Student: no the giraffe, he’s stuck in a fridge. Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how? Teacher: she stepped on the alligators? Student: no the alligators are at the party, Sally dies anyway, how? Teacher: she frowned? Student: no, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.

Death&Decay

A is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil assaulted by bears. C is for Clara who wasted away. D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh. E is for Ernest who choked on a peach. F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech. G is for George smothered under a rug. H is for Hector done in by a thug. I is for Ida who drowned in a lake. J is for James who took lye by mistake. K is for Kate who was struck with an axe. L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks. M is for Maud who was swept out to sea. N is for Neville who died of ennui. O is for Olive run through with an awl. P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl. Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire. R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire. S is for Susan who perished of fits. T is for Titus who flew into bits. U is for Una who slipped down a drain. V is for Victor squashed under a train. W is for Winnie embedded in ice. X is for Xerxes devoured by mice. Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in. Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin

Anonymous

(sorry in advance this joke is brutal)

What has 12 heads and 24 eyes?

The bin at the back of the abortion clinic.

Anonymous
in Doctor

A woman comes to the doctors an says ‘doctor, I think I have cancer’ the doctor checks it out ‘it’s all in your head’ the doctor says ‘phew’ said the woman, ‘a bunch of tumors, all in your head’

0
_!nf#8263

why were 6 scared of 7? 7 8 9 then why was 10 affraid? it was between 9/11.

what do u think was going thru the heads of the 9/11 victims on floor 43? floor 44 💀💀

Anonymous
in Music

Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.

FPOfreddie62

What wasStephen Hawkings fav shampoo head n bolts

Brittni
in Depression

Me telling my parents im depressed: my parents, " no, ur just a little stressed and want attention, am i right?" My depression worsoning, me: " ya ur totally right mom…" Me in my head making a plan to commit suicide…

Anonymous

Did anyone JET my joke. It probably flew over your heads, oops I meant trough.

Jason Dean

Today my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings and when my brother walked past my mom asked me a question "what do you think of going through kids heads during a school shooting " That’s when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom “bullets” we don’t talk about this anymore

Penal_Infection9000

Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?

Because it flew over their heads.

Anonymous
in Toilet

Q:Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? A:To find Pooh!

1
Anonymous
in Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris one put a plastic bag on his head, and the bag suffocated to death.