Have jokes

Does anyone go to Eagle High School? Tell me what classes you have from 1st period to 4th period if you go to Eagle High School.

"I know, you have a lot on your plate right now."

My sister is really disrespectful, and her famous words are, "You're not my parent!" The next time she says this, I'm going to respond back with, "You're right, because I would have worn a condom to protect from you being born unlike my dad did!"

Your Friend: Bro, I'm having a movie sleepover tonight. I've invited 17 people, wanna come?

You: Yeah, but why so many people?

Your Friend: Because the DVD says only 18+ viewers.

You: Dude!!!!

I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

Me: I have a dream.

Mom: What?

Me: For you to fucking shut up.

I made a website for orphans.

Unfortunately, it does not have a home page.

Orphan: I finally have a father!

God: And who is that?

Orphan: You!

God: Who the hell is you? Well, it's not me.

Orphan: :l

And to the parents of the lost boy named Timmy, we have found him, and now is your chance to make your escape. He really is a little shit, isn't he?

Why do orphans come to me?

'Cause they have someone to call "father."

So you see all these Baby Yoda memes when you go online, But you have never really seen the show with him.

He is just SOOOO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.

Her: Prove it.

Me: (opens freezer)

Why did the orphan want to go to jail?

So he could have a home and be cared for with food.

Why do orphans have no home?

Because they didn't have a family to give them one.

You're so short that you don't have to open the front door to get inside the house.

I told my sister that when you go to bed with an itchy butt, you're going to have smelly fingers in the morning, and I've never heard her laugh so hard in my life.

I got to work.

Ben: Oh no, my boss is here. I hate my job and I'm terrified of my boss.

Ben: Uh, hey, hey Mr. Boss.

Boss: Have a nice day.

Ben: Ok, bye!

Boss:??

We the jury are yet to deliver our final verdict, but we would like to have a guess.

Is it Mrs. Peacock with the candlestick in the library?

Why can't orphans go to an amusement park?

Because they don't have parents!