Have jokes
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
Knock knock, who's there? God.
God who? NO, you idiot, there is no God. I am your father and you have locked me out of my own house!
If God didn’t mean for us to have sex with 11-year-old girls, why did he make them so sexy and so much physically weaker?
So I’m riding in the car with my dad and all of a sudden I smell something rank without warning.
My dad starts laughing at me.
Dad: “Son! That must have been an orphan fart! You know why?”
Me: “Why dad?”
Dad: “Because it ain’t got no pop!”
What does my dad have in common with Nemo?
They both can’t be found.
What do gay guys and priests have in common?
They are both gay in their own ways.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They don't have a home plate.
Are you a toaster, because I want to have a bath with you.
I have an awesome sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away.
It must have been a sad day when you slithered out of the abortion bucket.
Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?
Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.
Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.
Father: Now you know.
I'm having lunch on the roof of the Twin Towers, and the biggest plane I've ever seen is flying toward...
Girl: Wanna come over to my house?
Orphan: I have to ask if my parents come home.
What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew? The answer would be a comb or a piano, but technically, if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them, they have teeth but can't chew with them.
Why can't orphans have an iPhone?
'Cause they can't find the home button.
Have you heard the latest pun about pizza?
Never mind. It’s too cheesy!
What do Will from "Stranger Things" and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air have in common? They're both named Will, and their lives both got flipped, turned upside down.
Harry Potter has an invisibility cloak, I have family.