Have jokes
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
After watching Star Wars 8, I have to say Snoke was half the man I expected him to be.
This Chinese girl didn't know what a sausage roll was, so I replied, "It's like a spring roll with sausage in it, but not any dog or cat how you have it."
What do Logan Paul, KSI, and the Japanese suicide victim have in common?
Tying.
I have a penis.
How's that for a fucking joke? It's not a joke. It's terrible.
500 thumbs down and I'll lop off my dick with a razor.
What do Communism, Socialism, Feminism, and Fascism all have in common?
They are all disabilities.
Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"
So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.
I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.
What do you call a fish with no legs?
Fsh have no legs.
What do you do with legs?
Fsh have no legs.
What do you do with legs?
Break!
I have breakfast with my boys.
Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?
A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.
I have a ton of work to do... A skele-TON.
Why does Sally have no friends? Because she is obese.
I am having a shit and there[sic] nothing else to read.
Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues.
Why does Santa not have any children?
He only cums once a year.
What do McDonald's and priests have in common?
They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”
When I was younger, I thought that it was cool to use knives because kids used to ask me to use them.
By the way, have you seen my sister?
Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?
Priest: Why?
Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.