Have jokes
A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.
So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."
Q: I have a fish that can breakdance! A: Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
Chris Rock: Jada, I can't wait to see you in G.I. Jane 2!
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song starts playing:
Will: "I got in one lil' fight about my wife's lost hair, she said, 'Will, if you don't do something I'm gonna have an affair!'" 😂😂😂
Why do orphans ride the bus? Because they have no parents to drop them off.
Kid on Xbox: I'm not a virgin. Ask your sister.
Bully on Xbox: I don't have a sister, dumbass.
Kid on Xbox: You will in 9 months.
What do Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common? They both get turned on by kids.
I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.
Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.
What do Jesus and I have in common?
No one knows my real bday either.
Why do dwarfs hate fast food restaurants? Cause most of them have medium and large.
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
I must have raped a woman in a skip. She said she felt rubbish.
What do orphans, parents, and trees have in common? They leafed.
Stop telling orphan jokes before they tell their parents.
Oh wait, they don't have any, please continue.
Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?
A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.
Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?
Why do orphans like to have sex?
So they can finally have someone to call "daddy."
My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
I have a secret crush on your momma.