Have jokes
Everyone else seems to have met my dad. I only have the mugshots.
Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"
Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"
God says, "You are what you are."
Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."
What do emos and apples have in common? They both hang off trees.
I don’t have another talking stage in me. 🤦🏿♂️ Do you squirt, and is your BD dead? 😭
Dad: Here you go son, all your toys have gone to the orphanage.
Son: Why, Dad?
Dad: You would be bored there if there was not anything to do.
Why are orphans so bad at dodge ball?
They don't have a home to run to.
Have you ever seen the Pokemon called Ryh... Rhydon these nuts?
Roses are red and violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the third one's for you.
What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common?
There used to be two, now it’s a sensitive subject.
Why do most clips for automatic weapons have 32 bullets?
That's usually how many kids are in a classroom.
I don't have a carbon footprint. I drive everywhere.
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
What is the biggest lie ever?
"I have read and agreed to the terms and conditions."
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t have a home to run to.
What do you call it when you have two Indians, one Black, and a fat White?
A s'more.
You have a head of a Malteser and a hairline VEGTA.
Why are vegetarians so good at giving head? Because they’re used to having nuts in their mouth.
My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”
How many innocent succulents have been brutally killed by people trying to cure their depression?