Have jokes
What does an apple have in common with an emo kid?
Answer: They both hang.
You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
What did the girl and the orphan have in common? Their parents weren't home.
Ur mum—oh wait, you don't have that.
What do Americans and Rubik's Cubes have in common?
They both have a history of separating colors.
The best joke: you. O wait, I can't even say that because jokes have meaning.
What do Jesus and a painting have in common?
They hang by nails.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna!"
Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun,
But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.
This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.
So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."
Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."
Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"
Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"
The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"
A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"
I have a fish that can breakdance! Only once though, and only for 20 seconds...
If God didn’t mean for us to have sex with 11-year-old girls, why did he make them so sexy and so much physically weaker?
What do birds and children have in common?
If you shoot them, they die.
Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"
"Oh, honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.
So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" The sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"
What is the difference between me and a retard?
At least I have chromosomes.
Why does an orphan's calendar only have 362 days? Because they don't celebrate Father's Day, Mother's Day, and Valentine's Day.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they have no home to run to.
You heard of the Pixar movie "Up," but have you heard of "Down, Down," the 9/11 terrorist attack?
You have to be a good mom to be a MILF.
Me: You have pretty eyes.
Her: Thank you.
Me: I can make them roll back 😈🥴