Harding jokes

One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.

The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."

"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.

"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.

What can a rock possibly say?

Answer: I'll fuck ya mum rock hard.

Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.

The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"

Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"

Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.

I awoke after being raped and was shocked to find my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.

My Wi-Fi must be Kobe, because it crashed hard.

When the C.I.A. raided Osama Bin Laden’s house, they found Steam on his computer. This means he was a gamer. He raged a little too hard and went for New York.

What is brown and sticky?

What is white and gooey?

What is long and hard?

(Tell me in the comments)

What kind of veggie is always getting itself into a hard situation?

A pickle.

You know, being a bitch is hard... but I found the person who's up for the challenge... you.

Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.

Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!

What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?

My dick.

Why is it so hard to make a party on Earth?

Because you need to planet.

What's long, hard, and has cum in it?

A cuCUMber.

If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.

What goes in small and soft?

And comes out big and hard?

A tea bag.

Friend: Why did you touch me?

Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.

My eggcellent egg yolks crack everyone up.

If you don't like them, you're just hard boiled.

Life is a lot like a penis. It's relaxed, and just hanging there.

It's women that make it hard.