Harding jokes

If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.

Friend: Why did you touch me?

Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.

My eggcellent egg yolks crack everyone up.

If you don't like them, you're just hard boiled.

Life is a lot like a penis. It's relaxed, and just hanging there.

It's women that make it hard.

Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.

If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.

These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.

And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!

I like your cut, G.

*Slaps really hard*

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

My tower is hard, but after six minutes, it fell over.

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

What did Eve say to Adam?

"That is rock hard."

How do you make a body disappear?

You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!

P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.

If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?

Why do the brakes keep squealing?

Because the driver hit it too hard.

What is hard to find but easy to make?

An orphan.

This is not a joke, nor did I come up with it.

If somebody calls you ugly, just hug them and say, "Life must be hard for you since you have visual impairment!"

I bribbled a kid and he was bribbled hem so hard that his balls came off.

Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."

*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"

Why is a brick always hard? Because he seen the brick that was getting laid right next to him.