Harding jokes

What kind of veggie is always getting itself into a hard situation?

A pickle.

Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.

Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.

A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.

What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?

My dick.

Why is it so hard to make a party on Earth?

Because you need to planet.

What's long, hard, and has cum in it?

A cuCUMber.

What goes in small and soft?

And comes out big and hard?

A tea bag.

If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.

Friend: Why did you touch me?

Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.

My eggcellent egg yolks crack everyone up.

If you don't like them, you're just hard boiled.

Life is a lot like a penis. It's relaxed, and just hanging there.

It's women that make it hard.

Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.

If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.

These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.

And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!

It's a joke, not a dick. Don't take it so hard.

Your hairline is receding so hard, they petitioned it to change for the McDonald's logo.

I like your cut, G.

*Slaps really hard*

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Q. Why do Skeletons work hard?

A. 'Cause they want the BONEus.

What's common between the penis and a Rubik's cube?

Both get hard when we play with them.

How do you make a body disappear?

You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!

P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.

Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."

*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"

I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.