Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what their doing and the father says: “Well…We’re making you a brother.” So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he’s going to have a brother soon. The next day when little Jonny’s father comes come Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what’s wrong. Jonny cries: “I won’t have a baby brother!” HIs father is confused. “What do you mean?” He asks. “Because the mailman came by today and ate him!”
Bob Ross fighting in Vietnam. “The’re in the happy little trees, shoot the happy little trees and bushes.”
A 10y.o. : I don’t want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn’t think I’m happy 24/7. A 10y.o. week later: Damn… my life is shitty…
<2y. later> 12y.o. : What is de-pre-ssion? googles it
Now 14y.o. : Oh…
You’d think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no… oh no he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.
Doctor : what makes you feel depressed? Me: seeing others happy Doctor : ok so what makes you happy? Me: seeing stupid people in misery or agony Doctor: Well that’s rather sadistic. Me: well statistically one in two doctors have fingerd a child… Doctor: do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy? Me: there’s nothing hidden inside me, I’m empty “smug face”.
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
Husband: I bet you can’t say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time Wife: You have the biggest penis out of all your friends
Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?
Timmy is dead
I’m happy to be with my ea when I go to school
Hi guys. I am so happy and proud of myself and i thought i should share with you!! Today i saw myself on TV when i turned it off.
Why wasn’t the cheese 🧀 happy?
It was blue 😔.
Why was the depressed man happy in food-tech?
He got to cut himself.
To whomever stole my anti-depression pills, I hope your happy now
The other day, I donated my car keys, $1,000, and a passport to a homeless man. You could feel the happiness come from me after he holstered his suppressed shotgun.
Place a man in a morgue, he’ll try to leave.
Place a doctor in a morgue, he’ll go to work.
Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he’ll stay happy for a week.
everyone when we’re in the cafeteria singing happy birthday to some random person: Happy birthday to you…, Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear____, happy birthday to u Me in the background: Happy deathday to you…, Happy deathday to you, happy death day dear___, happy death day to you!..
This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar. An hour or so goes, then the new flame says, I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice,food is great, but what’s up with the monkey way down there? His friend ok, Watch this. He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool,pulls down his zipper and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin,cleaned himpulled up his zipper then jumped to his chair. Walked back to his new gay friend and said what do you think of that? MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that! His squeeze said wanna give it a try? I sure do, JUST DON’T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey. how’s that?
I accidentally bumped into a midget yesterday. Me; "Are you ok sir?" Midget; "Well, I’m not happy." Me; Well, which one are ya?
So one day I was walking home from school with my best friend sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that bob the class rep got her pregnant a eight months ago and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said “sally it’ll be ok I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson” “yeah thanks suzy” she said to me then went into her house. The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school so I was like oh she must be in trouble with her mom I’ll go check on her So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands “oh hello. Is that Sally’s son!! Can I see sally?” Her mom says sure and I go inside but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone “here lies sally 2004-2020” so I ask her mom in tears “oh did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied “you could say that…”
Why wasn’t the cheese 🧀 happy?
It was blue 😔.