What did the octopus say to the other? Let’s hold hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands.
So one day I was walking home from school with my best friend sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that bob the class rep got her pregnant a eight months ago and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said “sally it’ll be ok I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson” “yeah thanks suzy” she said to me then went into her house. The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school so I was like oh she must be in trouble with her mom I’ll go check on her So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands “oh hello. Is that Sally’s son!! Can I see sally?” Her mom says sure and I go inside but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone “here lies sally 2004-2020” so I ask her mom in tears “oh did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied “you could say that..”
What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman?
The back of my hand.
What did the minute Hand say to the hour hand?
Why are you so tall
The bright side of this pandemic is now both my hands look equally chapped and raw.
Jay and Andrew, are best friends whom are almost alike, the difference between them both is Jay is poor and well...Andrew on the other hand is suck-a-dick-poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes-up in his room, walks to the kitchen and asks his mom Lisa (I call her Lisa now btw) if there is anything to eat, "No bitch !" She replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed. Now Andrew...wakes-up jumps out of bed and he's in the kitchen, he sees his mom fixing some for work, after a long hard night of giving her husband blue-balls, "Anything left for me Mother?" Andrew asks "Sorry Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work taking her time * Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself "Man...I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if u do my first customer for me!!! "
Armless child: can you give me hand??
Me: ok
why do atletes cool down fast cause they have fans
wash your hands
I ain't shaking any ones hand, not because of the Coronavirus... I ain't shaking any ones hand because y'all out of toilet paper!
Why cant orphans cross roads?
They don't have a parent to hold hands with.
How do you know when it’s bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
The big hand is on the little hand!
Do you know what my favorite time of day is? 6:30 HANDS DOWN.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please hold its hand.
An orphan made an Instagram, he did not know what that symbol was on the bottom left hand corner
A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, " What is a tragedy?" One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "if my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy." A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!" "Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"
I had a glass of Schweppes lemonade in one hand and a glass of R Whites in the other..I got into a hot sweat I think I have Corona Virus
What did Hellen Keller do when she fell in a hole.
She screamed until her hands got tired.
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. "I don't understand it, Doc", she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas". "Thankfully", she added, "they are at least silent when I fart". Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him. The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled. The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
why were helen kellers hands crippled? From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour
Why was the astronaut 👩🚀 washing her hands?
She was getting ready to eat launch 🚀🥪.
