Guys Jokes

What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms and no legs?

Matt!

Guy: Hi, how was your day today?

Woman: Good!

Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*

Guy: How many months pregnant are you?

Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.

Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.

You're the type of guy to have a whole training arc after a girl wants to fight you.

A guy walks into a bar, he's like, "What's your number, lad?" and the woman is like, "298-777-fatso.com" and he walked home depressed.

A tweet saying, "Yo guys, I have this girls nudes should I keep em? She died so idk. Since I have em and she's dead they are kinda like rare ass pokemon cards. Discontinued by manufacturer type shit," is shown above a screenshot of a concerned-looking chef from the movie Ratatouille.

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

So I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”

I had a new "blonde parts expert" woman call for parts. I needed 2 ought wire for a job. She calls NAPA auto and asks for twat wire. The parts guy was assuming she didn't know about Planned Parenthood? .. 😂🤣

"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."

My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.

Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?

He didn't either.

I saw two guys wearing matching clothing, and I asked if they were gay. They quickly arrested me.

How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One really small one and one really small black guy.

What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?

A doppelgangbang.

Guy, your hairline was the reason Adolf Hitler said, "Let there be war!"

Guys, am I funny?

Why is it okay for a woman to use me when she feels like it, but when I use her body when I feel like it, I am the bad guy?

Hi guys, I am Logan Taub the toad. I just want to say that my cock is so, so, so tiny. It could fit 50 times in the crack of my butt chin!!!!! Also, I am trans👍

Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"