Guys jokes

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair on fire?

Hot wheels.

Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.

Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.

Be smart, not stupid.

Did you hear about the guy who died by lethal injection and writhed on the stretcher for 20 minutes?

I guess it really IS all in the execution.

What do you call a gay guy eating Cheerios?

Fruit Loops.

Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.

Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏

Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Your hairline retreats from your face just like all the guys that look at you.

What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?

Answer: a Carnivwhore.

What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?

Fall Guys.

Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.

Did you hear about the deaf guy's STI?

He got hearing aids.

I knew a guy who would always claim he had a buddy with an IQ of 1.

It turns out he was just looking in the mirror.

How do you break up two blind guys fighting?

Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"

We shouldn't call gay guys "fucking cunts" because they aren't fucking cunts, they're fucking assholes.

Guys, I know how to stop racism. Delete the word "racism." People can't be something that doesn't exist.

One night a guy asked his wife where she wanted to eat. She said, "Chinese food," so he flew her to China. The next night, he asked her what she wanted to eat. She said, "Indian food," so he flew her to India. The last night, he said, "What do you want to eat?" and she said she wanted nothing, so he flew her to Africa.

An optimist says, "The glass is half full."

A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."

Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"

Hi, I...

Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.

The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?

Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.

Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first? The one on the top or the bottom?

The bottom because his sh*t's already packed.

A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,

"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"

The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.