Gun jokes
I wish I was a policeman, 'cause then I would actually have a gun to shoot myself with.
Roses are dead, violets smell like poo, I got a big fucking shotgun, what you gonna do?
What do you call a group of special ed kids with guns? Special forces.
One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.
Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.
So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.
I bought a rainbow gun, but for some reason it doesn’t shoot straight.
Drop me in Afghanistan with a Dodge Challenger Super Stock, a Mexican named Jose, a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper, a golden SCAR, a pack of chimichangas, and an M4A1, and I'll have the Taliban saying the Pledge of Allegiance in 4 hours.
What's the only gun that doesn't exist in Africa?
A water gun.
Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.
The sir: My children will be devastated.
Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.
The sir: Whatever it takes.
*Suppressed gunshots*
I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.
What do you call an avocado that got shot? Glockamole.
What do you call a group of depressed kids with guns?
The suicide squad.
My name is Dan, I wear white Vans, I have a gun, get in the van!
Some weird kid came into school today with his tagging gun. He tagged my friend really good. At the end, he tagged 12 students and 1 teacher. VICTORY ROAYAL ✌
What's America's no. 1 class?
Target practice.
What does a light bulb and a school shooter have in common?
They both light up the room.
Roses are red, so is my gun. Why do you ask? Because it's full of blood.
Why do you play Call of Duty?
I actually don't know.
It’s raining, it’s pouring. The old man is snoring. He got shot in the head and didn’t wake up in the morning.
My therapist said: "Time heals all wounds."
I shot her, now we wait.