Gun jokes
So, once upon a time, there was a man who lived in his house with his wife.
He got up to go out to work and closed the front door behind him.
Not even four seconds later, he came back inside panicking, saying, "There's a rabbit with a gun outside!"
The wife replied, "Oh, don't worry, rabbits don't have guns. They can't shoot people; you must be imagining things."
The man calmed down for a few minutes, and after some reassuring, he eventually decided to try to go back out to work again.
So he stepped outside the front door, and the rabbit shot him.
"Namaste, 6 feet away, or I'll blow you away with this AK!"
Teachers: Whenever there’s a school shooting, hide under the desk.
Students: Hiding under desk.
Shooter: Well, no one’s in here!
Why are there no guns in China? They might do some "ting wong!"
I wish I was a policeman, 'cause then I would actually have a gun to shoot myself with.
Roses are dead, violets smell like poo, I got a big fucking shotgun, what you gonna do?
What do you call a group of special ed kids with guns? Special forces.
One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.
Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.
So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.
I bought a rainbow gun, but for some reason it doesn’t shoot straight.
Drop me in Afghanistan with a Dodge Challenger Super Stock, a Mexican named Jose, a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper, a golden SCAR, a pack of chimichangas, and an M4A1, and I'll have the Taliban saying the Pledge of Allegiance in 4 hours.
What's the only gun that doesn't exist in Africa?
A water gun.
Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.
The sir: My children will be devastated.
Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.
The sir: Whatever it takes.
*Suppressed gunshots*
I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.
What do you call an avocado that got shot? Glockamole.
What do you call a group of depressed kids with guns?
The suicide squad.
My name is Dan, I wear white Vans, I have a gun, get in the van!
Some weird kid came into school today with his tagging gun. He tagged my friend really good. At the end, he tagged 12 students and 1 teacher. VICTORY ROAYAL ✌
What's America's no. 1 class?
Target practice.
What does a light bulb and a school shooter have in common?
They both light up the room.