Ground jokes
A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.
When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"
The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.
Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"
God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"
My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.
So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"
What do you call a burning orphan in a wheelchair? Hot Wheels.
What hit the ground first, the orphan or the apple? The apple. The orphan never hit the ground.
If you were to drop an emo and a leaf off a tree, who would hit the ground first?
The leaf, because the emo is always hanging.
Wow, he stole my antidepressant toy. The next day, he was on the ground.
My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!
I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!
What happens to Freedom Towers if they got hit? They stepped in Ground Zero.
What hits the ground first, an apple or an emo girl?
The rope would catch her.
If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who would hit the ground first?
The brunette, because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions!
"Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop, When the wind blows, the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, Not moving a muscle, not making a sound."
I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.
Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡
I caught my wife cheating on me.
I beat my son and grounded him.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Grounded beef.
School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.
What is Meat Loaf's new name now that he has passed?
Ground beef.
What did the policeman shout to the cow running away?
"Get to the ground, beef!"
What do you call it when a cow gets disciplined by her parents?
Grounded beef.
What do you call a cow who's personality is down to Earth?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow that skydives without a parachute?
Ground beef.