Helen Keller is so Helen Keller-y that nobody will be as good as Helen Keller.
It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.
Little Johnny: Dad, why are you rubbing the horse's chest and butt? Dad: I want to see if it's good enough to buy. Little Johnny: I think Uncle Joe wants to buy Mom.
If a girl says no twice 🤔.
Mathematically that’s a yes, so you’re good to go!
I can do a very good Michael Jackson impersonation. I just need a kid who can keep a secret.
Maybe your butt good? Maybe bad... I'M GOING TO LAUGH!
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.
I don't struggle with depression. Like at this point I got it down. I'm good at depression.
My username good.
Why was Kobe a good father?
He took his daughter with him.
Teacher: What does the pig give us? Student: Bacon.
Teacher: Very good. How about the chicken? Student: Meat.
Teacher: Good, now what would a fat cow give you? Student: Homework.
You failed Helen Keller's speech class? It's okay, she's not a very good speaker.
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?
Tiger Woods had a good driver.
God is good. God is great.
Why are Chinese so good at jaywalking? Cause they can't tell the difference between green and red light with their tiny eyes.
One night, a father heard his daughter saying good night.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good night, Dad."
"Good night, Mamah."
"Good bye, Papa."
The next day her papa died.
He heard her saying them a month later.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good night, Dad."
"Good bye, Mamah."
The next day her mamah died.
Well, her dad was scared for his life. He knew he was next. Well, his daughter said them again.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good bye, Dad."
The next day, the mail man dropped dead on their porch.
Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.
It's a good thing I'm married.
Bully: "Hey little Timmy, you look like an ugly rat."
Timmy: "Well, at least I'm a good chef and I'm in a movie, unlike you."
Bully: Dies from embarrassment. 😱
That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.
What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?
Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.
