I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.
I finally stopped drinking for good.
Now I purely drink for evil.
The one good thing about an orphan is that they don't get roasted with a "yo mama" joke.
When God had to take a shit from making a good wife, you pasted between his ass cheeks...
I was going on a date when I decided to put on Penaldo’s PR7 cologne to smell good. As I put on the cologne, my skin started to turn invisible!
I then realized the cologne had made me turn into a ghost 👻. Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my date 😡!
It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.
What's the only good thing about being an orphan?
All snacks are family sized!
My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.
My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.
What's the only good part of your crush dying before you have the chance to bang her?
She can't say no!
So, I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company.
Everyone is mad, but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.
Yo what quacking lacking? Looking for a ducking good time? I've got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill. What happens flied upside down? It quacks up.
So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."
What makes a child an orphan?
Their parents left them for good. :D
What did the orphan ask Santa for? A good family.
do you know what is good about being a orphan. every candy bar is family sized.
BULLY vs. QUIET KID
Bully: I bet your dick is as small as a Tic Tac.
Quiet Kid: That's why your mom's breath smells so good.
QUIET KID WINS
I don't struggle with depression- like, at this point, I have it down. I'm good at depression.
So, a husband and a wife have three kids. The husband is on his death bed, and he looks up at his wife and says, "Honey, is our youngest son truly and honestly mine?" She says in response, "I swear on everything that is good and holy, our youngest son is yours." He dies peacefully.
Then she says under her breath, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."
Q. What’s the only good thing about a child molesters A. They drive slow through school zones
