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The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.

Batman: I’m vengeance.

Dad: Hi Vengeance, I’m dad.

Batman: ...

Dad: Son, it’s been 20 years, please let go.

You're so fat that when you go on a walk with your friends, it looks like they are orbiting you.

So, I was at a funeral the other day, and it was a school shooting mass funeral. The lady beside me asked me, “What do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “Probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “How dare you! You have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “Well, they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”

A Chinese teacher's phone rang as he was going to class, and he said:

"My phone the ring ring, it's my wife ring ring."

If you are a bully at a school, when you get home, find an orphan and beat them up!

What are they going to do? Tell the orphan lady to tell you to stop? 😆😝

Badminton: Your breath is so bad that you have to take a mint before you go on Fortnite.

As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.

Well, a lock and a key were going on vacation, but the key said, "Help me, I'm stuck!" and then the lock said, "I think I am in lock-shary."

I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?

I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.

My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"

I told him, "Probably a bullet."

What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?

Its ass.