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If you are a bully at a school, when you get home, find an orphan and beat them up!

What are they going to do? Tell the orphan lady to tell you to stop? 😆😝

Badminton: Your breath is so bad that you have to take a mint before you go on Fortnite.

As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.

Well, a lock and a key were going on vacation, but the key said, "Help me, I'm stuck!" and then the lock said, "I think I am in lock-shary."

I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?

I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.

My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"

I told him, "Probably a bullet."

What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?

Its ass.

Right, I have a dog and his name is Syndrome, and whenever he is good, I go "Good Syndrome," but whenever he is naughty, I go "Down Syndrome."

Little Johnny and his mom were sitting in church one day when suddenly Johnny said, "Mom, I think I'm gonna throw up!"

Then his mom said, "Go across the field and into the bushes, hopefully no one will see you there."

Johnny comes back a minute later, and his mom asks, "Did you make it?" Then Johnny said, "No, but there was a box by the door that SAID 'For The Sick!'"

Check out my new song. It’s called “Nlggas in the hood,” and it’s really good, so go listen.

BF: Babe, I have two questions.

GF: Ok, ask!

BF: Where have you been all my life?

GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?

BF: Can you please go back there?

Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!

1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.