Give jokes
ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG
Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.
Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.
Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.
I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.
How do you help a starving cannibal?
You give him a hand!
What did the headless horseman say to the woman?
"Give me head."
We should give whoever killed Hitler a statue. Oh wait, never mind.
I teach orphans.
But the problem is I can't give them homework.
How do you get a cow to eat?
Give it mooshrooms!
A cop pulls a man over and finds out he's drunk. So he asks for license and registration, and the drunk man says, "Can I see your flashlight?"
The cop says, "Just give me your license and registration." So drunk guy says, "Not until you give me your flashlight."
The cop said, "For what?" and the drunk guy says, "So I can shine it in your face and see what an asshole looks like."
My ex-boyfriend's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.
What did the orphan's friend give him for his birthday?
Lego, so he can build a home.
Abortion is a difficult topic for me.
On one hand I support it because it kills children.
On the other hand, it gives women a choice.
Q: What kind of person has 100% ambition and never gives up if someone gets in their way?
A: A rapist.
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"
The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.
She won't talk to me anymore.
Why should you never give an orphan a phone?
Because they wouldn't be able to find the home button.
When is the only time Kamala Harris is using her head? When she is giving head.
Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."
How do you make a lesbian upset?
Give her a multiplication test.
Why can’t orphans go on a field trip?
Parent signature __________
When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"
What does a chicken give you?
Student: Meat.
What does a pig give you?
Student: Bacon.
What does a fat cow give you?
Student: Homework.