Give jokes
Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.
The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"
The second said: "I'd do it for free!"
The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"
The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"
Do you want to know what gifts God gave me?
He didn't give me any.
I was made by the Devil.
What is an Italian massage?
An Italian Catholic priest giving a blowjob inside the confessional booth during Lent.
I got detention for giving an emo kid a glow stick... I tried to lighten his spirit.
I used to believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
How do you get a cow to eat?
Give it mooshrooms!
A cop pulls a man over and finds out he's drunk. So he asks for license and registration, and the drunk man says, "Can I see your flashlight?"
The cop says, "Just give me your license and registration." So drunk guy says, "Not until you give me your flashlight."
The cop said, "For what?" and the drunk guy says, "So I can shine it in your face and see what an asshole looks like."
My ex-boyfriend's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.
What did the orphan's friend give him for his birthday?
Lego, so he can build a home.
Abortion is a difficult topic for me.
On one hand I support it because it kills children.
On the other hand, it gives women a choice.
Q: What kind of person has 100% ambition and never gives up if someone gets in their way?
A: A rapist.
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"
The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"
When is the only time Kamala Harris is using her head? When she is giving head.
When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"
Why can’t orphans go on a field trip?
Parent signature __________
What does a chicken give you?
Student: Meat.
What does a pig give you?
Student: Bacon.
What does a fat cow give you?
Student: Homework.
People: You're ugly.
Me: Ok.
People: I hate you.
Me: Cool, IDC.
People: You're annoying.
Me: Good for me.
People: BTS is dumb.
Me: I'll give you 5 seconds to run!
Teachers: Do you give your mother that attitude?
Orphan: ...
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.
She won't talk to me anymore.
Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."