Give jokes
What is an Italian massage?
An Italian Catholic priest giving a blowjob inside the confessional booth during Lent.
I got detention for giving an emo kid a glow stick... I tried to lighten his spirit.
We should give whoever killed Hitler a statue. Oh wait, never mind.
I teach orphans.
But the problem is I can't give them homework.
ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG
Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.
Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.
Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.
I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.
God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"
How do you help a starving cannibal?
You give him a hand!
How do you get a cow to eat?
Give it mooshrooms!
A cop pulls a man over and finds out he's drunk. So he asks for license and registration, and the drunk man says, "Can I see your flashlight?"
The cop says, "Just give me your license and registration." So drunk guy says, "Not until you give me your flashlight."
The cop said, "For what?" and the drunk guy says, "So I can shine it in your face and see what an asshole looks like."
My ex-boyfriend's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
What did the orphan's friend give him for his birthday?
Lego, so he can build a home.
Abortion is a difficult topic for me.
On one hand I support it because it kills children.
On the other hand, it gives women a choice.
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"
The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"
How do you make a lesbian upset?
Give her a multiplication test.
Teachers: Do you give your mother that attitude?
Orphan: ...
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.
She won't talk to me anymore.
What does a chicken give you?
Student: Meat.
What does a pig give you?
Student: Bacon.
What does a fat cow give you?
Student: Homework.
When is the only time Kamala Harris is using her head? When she is giving head.
Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."