Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."
Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.
Q: How do u make an emo kid happy
A: give them a happy meal
I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up..\n\nI now suffer from anxiety AND depression :\
Yo mama so ugly,
they won’t give her a vaccine so she can keep wearing her mask.
How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open.
Woman aren't human anyways... lol.
If I had to rate the attack on the Twin Towers from the Muslims, I'd give it a 9/11.
The way to stop school shootings is to give children an RPG.
Me: Truth or dare?
Crush: Dare.
Me: I dare you to give me your phone number.
Crush: Umm nevermind, truth.
Me: Ok, what is your phone number?
You're so poor, if I ever broke into your house, I'd give you things.
Are you a builder, because you give me an erection.
Just buy KFC. I will give you 40000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999o999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."
Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."
"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.
"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."
The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"
The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"
How do you give a woman from Alabama a nice compliment?
Answer: You say to her, "Hey, nice tooth!"
When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!
Yo life so miserable, the adoption center wouldn't sell you, just give you away!
I got detention for giving an emo kid a glow stick... I tried to lighten his spirit.
I like Christmas.
It’s the holiday where an old man breaks into people’s homes so he can give them toys! :) yaaaaay 😁
*Me walking into the nail salon* Hi, I'm here for my 3:45 appointment.
*Nail tech:* Ok, sweety, come and sit down.
*Me sits down in the chair*
*Nail tech:* You want long nail, short nail? Um, long nail. You want boyfriend?!! Yes, ma'am. Ok, let me work magic. Ok.
*gives me short nail* Bro, I asked for long nail, but you said BF, but u look lesbian.
*walks out without paying*
*Nail tech gives money to a customer* There u win.
*customer:* I told u she would.
