Girlfriend Jokes

My girlfriend is so fat, she looked into the mirror and said, "Woah, there are two of me!"

Why does my girlfriend have a dick? Oh wait, I'm gay.

I have a girlfriend with a big dick.

You know why Elmer Fudd always came out hunting rabbits in the woods? Because Bugs Bunny would not stop flirting with his girlfriend.

Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.

What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?

They're both "sweet home Alabama."

Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?

All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.

I used to have a girlfriend who would argue with me a lot for no reason. I look at her feet and say to her, "Here is £15, give yourself a foot pedicure, then come back to me. It clearly shows you have man feet. You are a woman; you should have woman feet. No wonder you boss me around too much as if you're the man of the house."

You will never have a girlfriend.

My girlfriend broke up with me this morning, and we just started dating yesterday.

Now she's having a breakfast.

Are you a red light? Because I stop every time I see you.

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?

There is no difference.

My girlfriend is like treasure to me.

You need a shovel to find her.

I once dated a math teacher. It turned out she was nothing but problems.

Me and my girlfriend broke up, so I took her wheelchair, and she came crawling back.

The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.

My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking, so I brought home some tampons.

Imagine this... you're a lesbian, and you're doing it with your cannibal girlfriend. You say, "Eat me, baby!"

She pulls out a knife and fork.

Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.

Some dude called me a tool.

So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.

Guess he was right :/