Get jokes

How do you get away with murder?

I went on a date with an Eastern European chick. She got mad because I rushed her...

Get it? It's Russia, and I rushed her.

"History's repeating itself. WWIII is coming, and the second Russia nukes the U.S., they're all getting fucked."

How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime?

I think they just hacked the "chrime."

Why did hockey wookie slap kissing Missy in the face? Because Huggy didn't get a kissy from Kissy Missy.

Why can’t the orphan get any of the new iPhones?

'Cause none of them have a home button.

"Hey, is that a peach?"

*gets slapped on the butt*

"Noted."

My wife and I went to the bar to get a drink, but 2 mins later, I see her dead on the ground. I guess she couldn't see the bottle flying at her face. Then I laughed and went home.

When your wife takes 30 minutes to get ready.

Me: Takes five minutes.

Me: Hun, you done yet?

Me: I broke me bum.

Dad: Oh, that is bad. I will get some Pooh in the toilet so I can heal your bum.

Get (DYM 129)

What do women and dog turds have in common?

The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What is the same thing between apples and orphans?

Apples actually get picked.

What did rapper Pop Smoke get high off of? Cigarettes with Pop and Smoke.

What do you get when you cross between Tailga and emo?

Tailighmo.

Friend: Wanna hear a joke?

Orphan Friend: Sure.

Friend: Parents.

Other: I don't get it.

Friend: And you never will.

Why do cheetahs always get 100 on a test?

They’re cheetahs!

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Only one of them gets picked...

My roasts aren't funny. At least this shit gets me money.