Get jokes
Why don't orphans play GTA?
Because they're sad they don't get wanted!
Why are you censoring my friend Franz? He's just making jokes, but you admins get offended too easily, f*cktards!
P = Person (not original "pun")
P1: Hey girl! P2: I got a bf! P1: Well, I got a Lamborghini Aventador, a Bugatti Super Sports, a yacht, and a private plane. P2: BF stand for breakfast. P2: Oh, and also, where did you get all that stuff? P1: GTA5 P2: You motherfucker!!!
(Communications with this person are now blocked)
What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?
They get a discount at the crematorium.
Why did the bat cross the road? Because to get to the blood bar.
GET DOXXED JAKE
What did the people who cracked the Liberty Bell get for breaking it?
The no-bell prize.
Why did the rapper get kicked out of the kitchen?
Because he kept dropping the BEETS!
When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.
Subway trying to commemorate 9/11: CRASH INTO SUBWAY THIS SUBTEMBER 11TH TO GET 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR ONLY $9.11, THAT'S 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR $9.11 AND WATCH THEM FALL... INTO YOUR MOUTH!
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Orphans don't get picked.
When I am getting bored, I hold a banana and start shaking it suddenly. It gives out juice after a few minutes. I get excited. Ohhhhhh!
Try with a cucumber.
Getting a book on pasta?
Yes. Just imagine the pastabilities there are!
One day Billy, Bob, and Doo Da went fishing in a small boat. None of them could swim, and they had no life jackets.
Doo Da suddenly started yelling, "I got one boys!" as he started trying to reel the fish in. It was way too large for him to get onto the boat, and he fell into the water. The fish had a nice meal that night. Billy and Bob were in shock but knew they had to tell Mrs. Doo Da.
Upon arriving at her house, they did rock, paper, scissors on who had to tell her the news. Bob lost. He slowly rang the doorbell, and Mrs. Doo Da answered. "U-uhm.. we...Doo D-Da..f-fish..." Bob stuttered, then he screamed and ran off. Billy went to go retrieve his friend. Billy had a nice little talk with him and slapped him across the face to get him to just say what happened. Soon, the two men returned to Mrs. Doo Da's house and rang the doorbell again. She opened the door and looked at the two men and asked, "I've been trying to call Doo Da, and he hasn't answered, is he ok?" Bob took a deep breath and took a step forward with a smile on his face. He sang, "We went fishing, guess who died, Doo Da, Doo Da. He smiled and he said good bye, we mourn Doo Da today."
Why do orphans love table tennis? Because that is the only love they're getting.
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
A pair of Newfoundlanders, watching TV, saw endless big-budget advertisements for mass-produced American beer.
One Newfie turns to the other and says, "They say that stuff is the biggest seller in the States, but I don't see what the big deal is." So they buy a bottle, pour it into a plain jar and decide to get an expert opinion.
They send a sample to a lab in St. John's to have it analyzed.
A day later, the lab results come back: "Your horse has diabetes."
Roads be so rough in Oklahoma, I saw a high lifted truck get ended riding lower than a Hot Wheels car.
What did one orphan say to another orphan?
"Get in the Batmobile, Robin!"
39, 41, 43, AK, 47, AK-47. You get it? Lmao.
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.