Get jokes
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?
Spoiled milk.
Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.
So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?
... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.
What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
What do you call it when a person with Down syndrome gets friendzoned?
Chromozoned.
What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?
Gotta Go Fast!
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
To get to the other preschool.
I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.
"Are you getting the knife?"
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?
How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.
A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
Why is rape worse than death?
Because dead people get way more attention.
How did the necrophiliac get caught?
Some rotten cunt split on him....
A depressed kid was stuck on a tree, and a man saw the kid.
Man: "Hang in there! I'm gonna get some help!"
Two minutes later, the kid literally did what the guy said.
RIP Daniel Kyre from Cyndago (July 6, 1994-September 18, 2015)
Daniel committed suicide five years ago today......
My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. She told me that there was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.
Dark humor is like a cancer, it's funnier when a kid gets it.