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I can get my grandma 50% off from her groceries by just scanning my wrist.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Just told Putin to get some b*tches.
Waiting for 3801 missiles to strike my house.
Why did the T-Rex 🦖 get a ticket?
He ran at a stomp light!
How to get rid of non-vaccinators: call water a "dehydration vaccine."
I haven't seen sunlight in 3 years
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the knucklehead's house...
Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken.
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!
Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)
Hello everyone, I am famous YouTuber MrBeast. I have an announcement to make on this website: Whoever gets the 1000th comment on the post I link below will get 1 thousand dollars, from me! We're almost there, get commenting guys!
https://worstjokesever.com/jokes/603e8cd3eccd25122cb21897/guys-lets-make-this-post-have-the-most-comments-on-the-whole-website
Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.
To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."
Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
How do you kill a spider?
Just get an autistic person.
What do your BF and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both never get erect.
If a prostitute is celebrating her birthday, does she get a hoecake?
Yo mama so fat, when she was wearing black by a bank which was getting robbed, they thought, "AHH SWAT!"
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
Why did Mrs. Henderson get a divorce from her husband, Harry?
She was tired of everyone calling the family "Hairy" and the Hendersons.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
I am sooooooo bored, Gwen, can you please get on, or anybody, since I'm weirdly obsessed with Gwen.
Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.
What do school shooting jokes and school shooting victims have in common? They never get old.
One day my sister was making hotdogs. My sister asked me if I wanted some. I said no. Then my sister asked my friend, and he always said no.
Then my sister said I have to eat it plain with no flavor. We have no ketchup, mustard, or onions. My friend said I got something to give it flavor. My sister said, "Okay."
My sister left the kitchen to get something. I asked my friend what are you going to do. Then he took the hotdog bread, opened it, and ran his penis all around it, and put some white cream that came out of his penis. I put the hotdogs on the bread. Then my sister came back and put hotdogs on the hotdog bread. I told my sister the hotdogs are ready. She ate them. I asked how were the hotdogs. My sister said, "I don’t know what flavor is this, but it is very tasty."