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What is the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples actually get picked.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get to the house. They turned the lights out. Jill shouts, "It's a dildo, WTF?"
An orphan is at a barbecue and is getting food. A man asks him if he wants steak or phan I ment ham.
9/11 called for help. What did that get? Nothing.
Why do emo kids not get phones? Because the phone dies before them.
Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?
My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."
When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."
What is the best way to get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
When your brother sends you to go get a box of condoms for his b-day. (* *)
If a gay person is vegan, how does he have sex? He will keep getting meat stuck in his ass and in his throat.
Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.
What do you call an idiot who needs to get a life?
The Stigg.
What did one orphan say to another orphan?
"Get in the batmobile, Robin!"
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one!
One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"
Me: Can I get your mom's number?
Friend: Here you go:
Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.
Why did your emo mom get you?
To have someone to hang out with.
Gen Z is most likely going to be the last generation who felt the pain of getting up early to catch their favorite show.
Why did the teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't get even.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.