Jordan, you stupid ass! Addison never bothered you so leave her the FUCK alone! How about this? Get up, go outside, stop being a jackass, and get a fucking life!
Get Up Jokes
My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.
Q: Get up for a chair joke!
A: Oh, never mind, you can sit down.
I get knocked down, but I get up again, as long as I have 46 chromosomes.
Ok, ok, ooh, I'm so lit right now.
Your life is so boring, why you sleepin' on me? I can hear you snorin'. Aye, I'm so lit right now, my diamonds on that lit lit. Why don't you just get up? Aye, yeah, get him 'cause I'm awake, boy. Ooh, I'm so lit right now, your life is so boring, why you sleepin' on me? I can hear you snorin'. Aye, I'm so lit right now, my diamonds on that lit lit. Why don't you just get up? Aye, yeah, get him 'cause I'm awake, boy. Ok, ok, ooh, I'm so lit right now, your life is so boring, why you sleepin' on me? I can hear you snorin'. Aye, I'm so lit right now, my diamonds on that lit lit. Why don't you just get up? Aye, yeah, get him 'cause I'm awake, boy.
Mom: Son, get up for school.
Son: I AM UP *holds up books and says I'm up* IM UP MOM!
Sans, you lazybones, get up and do something.
Sans: I am doing something.
Papyrus: Oh yeah, what?
Sans: Thinking up a skele-ton of jokes.
Papyrus: SANSSSsSsSsSssSsSSsSsSsSSsSSsSsSsS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will end you.
Sans: What, does someone not have a funny bone? Oh wait, do you have a bone to pick with me? I have 206.
So this one time I saw Sally trying to get up after she fell off the swing, and I helped her up and she said "Thank you," and I said, "You're welcome." The next day I saw her legs and someone said, "I would not do that," and I said, "Whatever." I tapped Sally, and the top halve fell. I said, "WHAT HAPPENED TO SALLY?" And someone said she went in a minefield.
What is an old lady's favorite exercise?
Trying to get up from the soft couch.
What happened to Stephen Hawking after he reached Heaven?
Nothing yet. He is still struggling to get up the stairway to Heaven.
Why was Stephen Hawking late to the NASA meeting?
He couldn't get up the kerb.
What did Stephen Hawking say on the stairway to heaven?
Oh, fuck! I can’t get up them.
You know what really grinds my gears? Robots and liars...for example that Stephen Hawking fella. He sure looks and sounds like a robot!! And a major liar too! If he wanted to show me how smart he really was he would have figured out how to get up out of that four wheeler and tell me how smart he is!!!!!
Why did Sarah fall off the swings? Because she had no arms.
Why couldn't she get up? Because she had no friends.
Paralyzed Man: *gets up* I’m out of here!
Blind Man: Did that paralyzed man just get up?
Deaf Man: Did that Blind Man see that paralyzed man get up?
Mute Man: Did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
Dead Man: Did that mute man just say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
“Normal” Man: Did that dead man hear the mute man say did that deaf man hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
Doctor: *calls 911*
911 service: 911 what’s your emergency?
Doctor: Yes, uh, a “normal” person just said that did that dead man just hear a mute man say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see a paralyzed man get up?
911 service: *hangs up*
Stephen Hawking only went to hell because he couldn't get up the stairway to heaven.
Teacher: Here, have candy.
Kid: No, I’m too fat.
Teacher: Shut up, or I’m gonna fail you.
*Next week*
Teacher: Okay kids, get off the floor and go back to your seats.
Kid: I’m too fat to get up.
Teacher: Don’t you remember what I said?
Kid: Yep, elephants don’t forget.
I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.
"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"
What happens when a guy is in a pool with a deck and no one is around? The guy has to pee, get up on the deck, and stick it between the bars and pee.
