If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
Why did Sally fall out of the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn’t she get up?
Because she had no friends.
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?
He could not get up the stairs?
Little Johnny is in class one day, and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says, "What's so funny?" He said, "I can see your bra strap." The teacher says, "Don't come back to class for a week," so he gets up and walks out. A few minutes later, little Billy starts laughing, and she asks, "What's funny now?" Little Billy said, "I can see both of your bra straps." The teacher says, "Get out of my classroom for a month." So little Billy got pissed, he walked out and slammed the door. This scared the teacher, and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up, then she stood back up, and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked, "Where do you think you're going?" He said, "Well, teach, after what I saw, I'm done with school for a lifetime."
A Horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
GET UP YOU LAZYBONES!
Two skeleton brothers are talking.
1st bro: "Hey, get up! You and do some exercise! You are so heavy, you weigh a ton!"
2nd bro: "A skele-TON :)"
What time do butts get up? At the crack of dawn!!!
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
Oh no, I feel bad for Stephen Hawking. He can’t get up the stairway to Heaven.
I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.
What falls down the building and doesn't get up again?
An emo.
Papyrus: Sans I have a joke. What do you call someone lazy and incompetent . Sans: what do you call them? Papyrus: YOU! NOW GET UP AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM YOU LAZY BONES!
today a kid in a wheelchair was rolling around the class to get away from this one annoying kid so i told him " brayden just get up and walk away."
teahcer:what does a cow say. Susie:moo. teacher:good now what does a duck say. jimmy:the duck goes quack. teacher: now what does a pig say. little jonny: a pig says get up agaist the wall you black motherfucker
I got up one day my neighbor was in my house and was going to take me, and my mom out. I show my mom and my neighbor a trick. They both liked it. I ask my neighbor do you know any tricks he said yes, in matter of fact I could tell you what your mom had for breakfast. I said how well my neighbor lick my mom ass, and ate her pussy out in front me. He told me my mom had pancakes. So we were in the car I ask my neighbor How did you know what my mom had pancakes for breakfast. My neighbor said well that is what your mom made me while we were waiting for you to get up.
What does a blind man and your dick have in common?
They both can’t get up without a dog.
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moon light... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. Y'see... Y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea... He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says 'Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!”
