How does an American know that his time has come?
He starts hearing Vietnamese.
America: I'm going to build a wall.
Nazi: Been there.
Soviet Union: Done that.
What do you call a country with nukes?
Abomination.
I had the worst day of my life. My 13 year old ex got killed and I got fired from my job as a police guard. Did I mention that we were in Syria?
"Why do people call Americans excessive?"
"It was probably because of WWII."
"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim is already in America.
What is Al-Qaeda's favorite football team? The New York Jets.
What's the difference between an ISIS militant base and a Pakistani children's school?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
Wanna know how I got away from Iraq? Iran.
What’s Bin Laden’s favorite drink? Double Manhattan.
How did the USA beat Japan in rapping?
By dropping two of the biggest roasts.
How do you know that the U.S. sucks at chess?
They lost two towers.
Some day, Canada will take over the world. -- And then we'll all be sorry.
