A Scouser at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer-by, "What time is it, mate?"
An American replies, "That's a mad accent, where are you from?"
The Scouser says, "Liverpool."
The American says, "Oh, what state is that in?"
The Scouser looks around and says, "About the same state as this, mate, but what time is it?"
Why can North Korea draw a straight line? Because they've got a supreme ruler.
What is a geographical discovery? Little Johnny found his geography homework undone.
Where does a pianist go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
Africa has every type of gun but one...
A water gun.
I have a thousand-piece puzzle of the Japanese map. It took me ages to finish it.
But after the earthquake, I just threw all the pieces on the ground, and it's done.
The earth used to be flat.
Till they buried yo mama.
Have you ever thought about the fact that every market in Africa is a black market?
I made Google Earth for orphan kids.
Sadly, it does not show where home is.
People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.
He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.
One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”
What do you call a cow that lives in Africa? Moo-fasa!
My friend told me to name a country in Africa.
So I said, "Hungry."
What do a gay man and a tumbleweed have in common?
They blow and blow until they wind up on a fence in Wyoming.
What is blue, green, flat, and has teeth?
The Earth, but I lied about the teeth.
What's Africa's greatest sporting achievement? The 2018 World Cup...
What's the difference between sand and food? Africans have plenty of sand.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.
The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: The Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him.
The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native American kills him. They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"
The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”
How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool?
"Please get out of the pool."
Yo mama so fat it took her 3 seconds to cross the Great Wall of China.
