One day I woke up and went on my phone. Some "pussy" was calling me. I answered it and said, "Hello, pussy?" and a pussy pic showed up.
No one. Beyoncé said "To the left, to the left!" She really meant women have no rights.
This boy said, "Get your hairline straight." I said, "Girls don't have a hairline. How about you go to the barber shop and let your barber do your hair 10 times worse than he did the first time."
My wife said she wanted to leave me. She said it’s because of the abuse, but really, she’s the one abusing herself by drinking alcohol and got poisoning the next day. This shows almost half of the woman’s population is weak both physically and mentally.
Guys, you know any best rape roleplay? (I'm a guy, btw.)
What do screen doors and blondes have in common?
The more you bang them, the looser they get.
Don't ever wanna fuck a dude!!
Have you ever seen that weird ad that pops up at the bottom: sexy Russian babes looking for men older than 30, and they're 18, so is it a reverse pedo? Oh well.
Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.
Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.
That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )
When she says she wrestles, so you pull out your dick and she punches it.
Girls are whores.
Why do only guys have fun? There's only the word "penis" in happiness.
I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?
She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"
To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"
Me: Ok so let's get this straight....
Cop: I'm not straight ok, now get in the car.
Me: But I didn't do anything?
Cop: No.
Me: So why are you arresting me then?
Cop: Imma tell you a story.
Me: Oh no.......
Cop: I know, now come on.
Me: Ok where?
Cop: My room.
Me: Which room?
Cop: My bedroom.
Me: 😱I'm a girl.
Cop: So am I, now get in.
Me: But I'm 9.
Cop: I'm 59.
God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.
I saw a lady in a bikini on the beach, so I walked up to her and said, "LET ME STICK MY DICK UP YOUR BIG ASS!"
Two kids are out in the cold, with downpours of snow erupting from the clouds.
One of the kids says something: "Can we build a snowman that is going through puberty?"
The other kid says something else: "Yes. It sounds cool."
After a while, the snowman was finished, and some words jut out of the first kid's mouth: "Wow! Look at that snowman! It's got hair all over, but I think it's missing something though."
The other kid jumps a little and begins speaking: "Oh, I know what it is!"
After a while, a body part made of a carrot and two cucumbers appears on the snowman's crotch. It is a penis and a ballsack.
The first kid speaks: "Icy what you did there."
The other kid replies: "Good thing I didn't slip up there."
The first kid replies: "Well, that's snow problem."
The other kid then uttered this: "These puns would make the most frigid individual crack up."
The first kid then says: "I know, right?"
They then begin a snowball fight.
The other kid then says: "Only the men have snowballs!"
What's the difference between a blonde and your computer?
You don't want your computer to go down on you.
What do gay girls order in a bar?
Pussy juice.
Whats the difference btwn football and rape? Women don't like football.
