Furniture

Furniture Jokes

Water Bed

You went to the bed store asking for a water bed. They put a pillow and sheets on the ocean.

Trampoline

My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realizes I've replaced the bed with a trampoline!

Chair

I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.

Helen Keller

What did Helen Keller's mother do to her when she was mad at her?

She left the plunger in the toilet, she put doorknobs on all the walls, and she rearranged the furniture.

Stool

Q: How do you fit 4 gay men on a bar stool?

A: Flip the chair upside down.

Mamma

Yo mamma so fat, she asked for a water bed, and they put a blanket over the Atlantic Ocean.

Politician

Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?

His name is Vladimir Pootin.

Parent

What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?

Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.

Lamp

I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.

Shelf

A book just fell on my head. I’ve got only my shelf to blame!

Mum

Your mum is so fat, when she slept on the bed, the bed cracked and they had to replace it by a dinosaur.