Full jokes

Dear doctor,

I've heard it's a good sign when women scream your first name during sex, but recently women have been screaming my full name. It's weird, I feel like I'm famous. Can you tell me what this means?

Yours Truly, Ray Palp

There were 500 bricks on a plane. One fell off.

Little Sally was crossing a river full of crocodiles. How did she survive the river? She had a gun. When she got out of the river, she died. Why? Because a brick fell on her head.

What's big and yellow...?

A bus full of kids.

Why are orphans bad at poker?

They don’t know what a full house is.

What's the difference between a cop and bacon?

Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.

What does your mom say when she is working?

Nothing, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.

Roses are red, so is my gun. Why do you ask? Because it's full of blood.

I dumped the dead, disabled person's body into a dumpster full of rats.

What do you call a train full of gum?

A chew chew train.

How did the toilet react when it received a gift?

That was so pot full (thoughtful)!

My dustbin's absolutely full of toadstools!

How do you know it's full?

Because there's not mushroom inside.

How do you disappoint people in Africa?

Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.

But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.

What’s long and hard and full of semen?

A submarine.

Why do orphans have a single chip? Because they don't have a full bag.

I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.

Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.

My middle name is Brian. I was so proud of being able to spell my full name till someone pointed out "Johnny Brain Walker" was incorrect.

What's full of lard and is reserved as Putin's cannon fodder?

Your mum!!!

The first time you have to do a full body workout in chess.

What do you call a graveyard full of disabled people?

A cabbage patch.

I felt a window break once. It was pane-full!