Fucking Jokes

"FUCK FUCK FUCK MY CLOTHES CAUGHT THE FLAME OH MY GOD IT BURNS SO MUCH!"

"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"

I just got kicked out of the fucking library for putting the women's rights in the fiction section.

Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.

This is fucked up, my name is Shaylie.

(This is a fucked up pick up line). Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11.

Hey guys. I just wanted to say, while I think some rape jokes can be funny, not one of these are. In fact, I find them pretty horrifying.

I was raped when I was fourteen (about six years ago), and I have made one rape joke in my entire life when, last year, I said "I don't fuck with rapists, I just get fucked by them." I thought it was funny. No one else did, and they were probably right in that.

My point is this: rape jokes CAN be funny when they are used by victims as a way of coping with trauma. They CANNOT be funny when they are made about raping someone else. Even if there is a difference between joking about raping someone and raping someone, it is absolutely disgusting to think such a horrific crime is funny, and I am sure at least some of the posters on this page have already crossed the line into committing rape.

Great material for social scientific research, though, gentlemen. Really well done.

If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."

High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?

Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.

High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.

Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.

High school crush: Who is it?

Me: You.

Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)

Me: Fuck that.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I fucked a chimpanzee behind my local zoo.

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"

My wife asked me to connect more on my feminine side. So I crashed our car and fucked my trainer.

Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."

So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.

Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."

I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.

Go fuck yourself, cause I doubt anyone else will. 💅

Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!

A kid was asking a mother for money.

Mother: Sorry, I don't have money.

The kid kept asking the mother for money.

Mother: I already told you I don't have money.

The kid (the middle child): I'm your fucking child!

You know that the F in orphan may stand for family, but it actually stands for "fuck family."

"Fuck me right in the balls, you dirty cow!"

To all the little rude people here, fuck you. I didn't ruin this country, it was Putin!