Fucking Jokes

"Fuck off for I killed him, bum bum."

If you feel a lump in your rice, you fucked up.

If you feel a lump in your skin, you have cancer.

The woman said stop, but the man kept going, so the wife just kept fucking.

Why did your dad FUCKING LEAVE YOU? He went to suck balls.

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

She gagged.

I like my men how I like my coffee...

WITHOUT A FUCKING VAGINA!

I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.

Jack fucked Jill's pussy till it stopped functioning.

Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.

Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.

I did just see a blind person trying to f*ck a dog.

Fuck youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu na na na na na na!

I need to fuck an emo girl... those bitches are limited edition!

Little Johnny was late to school one day, and Miss Brown asks, "Johnny, how come you're late to class?" And Johnny says, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and started fucking the white cow." Miss Brown said, "Johnny, don't use that word. Next time you want to say that, use the word 'surprised'."

The next day Johnny was late again, and Miss Brown said, "Johnny, why are you late?" And Johnny replied, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and 'surprised' the white cow." Miss Brown said, "That's much better, Johnny." And Johnny said, "Yeah, walked straight passed it and started fucking the black one."

How do you f**k a duck?

Usually duck a f**k.

Y'all are so rude on here. If you don't like what I put on MY profile, you can click your rude ass off of my profile and look at some other fucking jokes. DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING RUDE TO SAY ABOUT ME!

Republicans really want weed not to be legal, fucking cunts!

Blitz: "HOLD ON! You better move that pussy wagon right now, or I’m gonna..."

Vortex: "You'll do what?"

Blitz: "Or I'll... uh... uh, I- I'll call HR!"

*Silence, then Verosika/me, Blitz, and Vortex bust into laughter. And then back to seriousness*

Verosika/me: "Anyway, meet my new Hellhound... Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well." *leaves and flips Blitz off* "Ta-ta fuck stain."

What the fuck is wrong with people?

What do blind kids and orphans have in common? I fucking hate their whiny asses and beat them up.

Why did I beat up the orphan? Because he was a whiny bitch who wouldn't shut the fuck up.