High school crush: why do you always look so sad? Me: my mom is dead and my favorite grandma and my uncle killed both of them and now he's in jail. High school crush: shit. Sorry about that. Me: and my crush hasent asked me out. High school crush: who is it Me: you Him: goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back) Me: fuck that
Roses are red, Voilets are blue, I fucked a chimpanzee behind my local zoo
I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick, she said shut the fuck up and keep digging
My wife asked me to connect more on my feminine side. So I crashed our car and fucked my trainer
Me at the Oscars when i see Jada Pinkett Smith, me, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I Jada 2, can't wait to see it"
So will smith is laughing and then suddenly, Suddenly Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face
Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigcka Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers"
I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma
Go fuck yourself cause I doubt anyone else will 💅
Husband:can we try anal tonight Wife: fuck that shit Husband:that's the spirit
a kid was asking a mother for money
mother: sorry I don't have money
the kid kept asking the mother for money
mother: I already told you I don't have money
the kid(the middle child): I'm your fucking child
You know that the F in orphan may stand for family, but it actual stands for fuck family.
Fuck me right in the balls u dirty cow
to all the little rude people here fuck you i didn't ruin this country it was putin!!
little william punched little johnny in the face. then little johnny says if u do that again im gonna turn your fucking nuts into coconut juice.
Have You Ever Heard of Sex Because You Just Got Fucked
Kenny Tyler, you're lucky you're adopted. Tyler: Why? Kenny: Because you can fuck your mom without getting arrested for incest.
Fuck you and your shity fam
Historys repeating itself. WWIII is coming and the second russia nukes the US their all getting fucked.
having sex in the woods and a deer walks up and fucks you from the back.
Me and my friends were having a party the other day when some bitch came bitching about the noise. Thankfully she was hot and had a nice ass so it was enjoyable raping her. The next day when i woke up I found her body only half eaten, her lower body was still intact so I went for seconds to fuck off the hangover. Then I had breakfast, her ass tasted good with some ketchup.
But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend. So she invites him to a romantic dinner. After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it. But her boyfriend was clueless about such acts. So she tell him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 positions. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same. But the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly the girl had an urge to fart, but hold it in because her asshole was right near his bf face. Suddenly she loses control, and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says
"Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."
