Friendship jokes

Here’s another joke my friend told me.

What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

A kid went and got a haircut. The day after, he went to school, and a friend says, "I like your cut." He replies, "Which one?"

What do you call a kid named Caitlyn?

My best friend.

My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.

Why does a straight guy act gay? Because he wants to feel wanted and wants to be BFFs with the hottest girls.

"Discuss the synopsis of this poem: My Friend Billy Has A Ten-Foot Willy."

Why did an orphan kill ET?

To phone home.

All these people on here making me wish I knew them IRL.

I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."

Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."

The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."

First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"

Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."

Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed receiving medical treatment soon after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit Bob and told him this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb peaking mountains, and cross low valleys."

Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.

I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.

So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To get to the other side (suicide).

Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?

To see his flatmate.

Denki: Hey Mineta, I have a joke.

Mineta: ...go on...

Denki: Ochako's booty.

Mineta: I don't get it?

Denki: Exactly.

Mineta: *cries T_T*

Mom told me drugs are my enemies.

Jesus said to like your enemies.

Yay, I can like drugs then!

Little Johnny was getting beaten up by two kids, so I came and helped.

He won’t stand against the three of us!

One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk, and he says, "I went to a party with my girlfriend, and this random guy walks up to us and says, 'Can I borrow your girlfriend for 30 minutes?' I say yes, and he takes her upstairs. It was not only 30 minutes, but an hour. When she came back down, she was out of breath, so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation." This happens about 3 more times that night.

But as I was saying, only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys. 😊😇

Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

Why could she not get back up? Because she had no friends.

Knock knock? Who's there? Not Susie...

Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.

The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.

Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.

After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."

Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.

Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"