Friends jokes

Friend A: "Why are you still a virgin, bro?"

Friend B: "I was until last night."

Friend A: "Nah, nah, who with?"

Friend B: "Your sister."

Friend A: "I don't have a sister."

Friend B: "Just wait 9 months, you'll see."

I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.

... It was a bittersweet victory.

Why are the two friends like the Twin Towers?

They fell apart.

I was at my boyfriend's house, and I thought he was cheating on me. He was on the phone with somebody, and he said he'd be over there soon. So I asked him if I could see his phone. He said no, and then we fought about it until I saw his gun, and because I thought he was lying to me, I shot him, went through his phone, and his friend was still on the phone.

Kid: Dad, where are you going?

Dad: To get milk.

TEN YEARS LATER

Kid's friend: Where's your dad?

Kid: He went to get milk but never came back.

I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.

My wheelchair-bound friend was getting bullied, so I told him to stand up for himself.

Why did the deer cross the road? Its friend deered it to!

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas.

He said it was the most violent book he ever read.

My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's hairline, even though his ears are so big and his face looks like a monkey... if they were white.

I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

How do skyscrapers make friends?

They reach out.

My friend Enyaw is gay, she is a cunt.

Kenneth's hairline [is] friends with Moses.

My friend is an emo. I asked why he wears black. He said, "Black like my soul." I just walked away.

After sleeping with her boyfriend for the first time, the lead singer of Blackbriar told her friend all about it: "Ik zora cock!"

My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"

Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.

Did you know that "girlfriend" at the end, it starts with "end." So does "boyfriend," and "friend" have "end" at the end of it, but "family" at the end it "ily" I love you.

I used to think that I had a Japanese friend, but it was just my imagi-asian.