My friends hate when i make skeleton jokes.I guess i need to put more backbone into it.
My best friend ran away with my wife I really miss him
Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubbas two best friends the three were inseparable agreed.. The first friend said hard to tell can you turn him over the coroner look perplexed but did so nope that's not Bubba. The second friend said he's burnt up pretty bad can you roll him over again the coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway, nope that's not him. Pretty confused the coroner asked how can you tell its not him by rolling him over? well you see Bubba had two assholes, Impossible the coroner replied. The friends said I don't know but everytime we went to town everyone would say here comes Bubba with them to assholes.
Friend: wana hear a joke
other Friend: sure
Friend: pussy
other Friend: i dont get it
Friend: and you never will
Literally every movie:
"I love you" "I love u too"
My life:
My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes u!" Him: "wtf I have a grilfriend sorry not sorry" His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country". 😶
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
me: can i get ur mom number? friend: here u go: me: ohh strange i already had it.
A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral. This friend asks his wife "Can I say a word?" "Of course" she says. The man stands up and says "Plethora" The man's wife says "Thanks, it means a lot"
My friends were the pilots on 911 they told me. "bro chill its just a prank."
Kid: Dad where are you going
Dad: To get milk
TEN YEARS LATER
Kids friend: wheres your dad
Kid: he went to get milk but never came back
I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there!" Not Suzy.
So I was f*****g this b***h right, and I thought I had aides. So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get aides. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight year old get aides?! I guess my sister needs new friends...
My friend said onions only cry so that’s why I threw a coconut at him
My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say "thats thanksgiving man!"
A white guy was telling his friend about this girl he hooked up with. His friend asks "did you get her number?". He replies "no, but it's okay, I'll see her at the next family reunion"
What do you call a 6 year old with no friends?
A sandy hook survivor
Hey guys how was ur day? If you ask me the same question heres the answer, depressing. I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old, D.K, freshfry, ALYA's "Jokes" or opinions.
Nobody really liked our fireplace. So I turned it into a brick pizza oven. Idk why but now everyone likes our fireplace.
