Friends jokes

A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,

"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."

I unfriended Paul Walker on Xbox because he was always on the dashboard.

My mother didn't want me to love my sister. That made me angry. But then, one day I found this quote: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Since that day, I fuck my sister hard and my MOM harder!

Like if your best friend has a dog.

What do you call a gang of emo kids?

Suicide Squad.

Like if your best friend is emo. *repost* or like if you have a best friend.

Your hairline is so bad even your gay friend is straighter than it.

Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!

"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"

I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.

My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"

Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.

I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣

My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."

I was in the mood for some dark meat, so I called my black friend.

Yo hairline is so crooked it makes your gay best friend look straight.

I tried to high-five my emo friend, but he just left me hanging.

Once my friend was saying something dumb, and I was like, "I Campbell-eve you just said that."

So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.

I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!

I once had an emo friend doing a course for the marines. He made the cut.

Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"