Friends jokes

My friend Richard is always bullying all the little kids in the neighborhood. He is such a dick.

You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.

I have 25 friends in the alphabet.

But I don't know why.

What do your teacher and your friend have in common? They will both die eventually.

What goes moo? Cow.

Share this with your friends!

What did I say to my friend? "Job, your new name is Jojo Siwa."

My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"

Me: Yo wanna play 9/11?

My Friend: What’s that?

Me: It’s a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.

Me: Yo mama so fat her alphabet starts with O.

My friend: What's that supposed to mean?

Me: O B C D.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

Me: Do you know a funny joke?

Friend: Yes, you.

I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.

Hey amazing people! The Prankster is back! This prank was on my sister and her friends. (tbh I did not think she had friends.)

I set out some snacks for them! Btw (I can't be trusted).

I gathered some "slapies."

The things I gathered were tomatoes, onions, milk, carrots, ice cream, and some dried-out green beans! All that stuff!

I need the tomatoes to make a sauce because I am going to put that with the ice cream, mix that up with the milk, yea yea it might look like a gross and nasty dish...WRONG!!!! I am going to make it into a little snack...anyway we make that into a snack for her and her friends. The onions are used to make their eyes cry and burn but I will give them a towel after that. The dried-out green beans are just to make them go over the top and overreact because I did not cook them. After that, we make it like it's not so icky!

I feed it to them!

They overreacted!

Please leave a comment.

Bye!

My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.

*at school*

Nobody: Do you want nuts?

Me: Wait, you have some?

Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.

Me: :0

I had to go to my friend's house.

I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???

Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?

Friend: What?

Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.

Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.

1, 2 look at your shoes.

3, 4 they look better than yours.

5, 6 you have no friends.

7, 8 you look like a ape.

9, 10 don't you like men?

11, 12 hell naw I like females.

My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.

(Again, credits to my really funny friend)