Friends jokes

My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?

Why was it wrong to throw my Chinese friend down the stairs?

A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.

I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

...so I threw a dictionary at him.

I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.

He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"

Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"

When you're fighting with the emo kid and he brings his friends. Now you gotta fight the suicide squad.

I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.

Hello everyone! I just came back! How are things going?

A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."

My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.

Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.

My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.

I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."

Friend: Slavery isn't good.

Other friend: Yeah, it's terrible.

Me: Shut up and get me a juice!

Me: Do you know a funny joke?

Friend: Yes, you.

"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."

Foxy the fox was a careless fox. She didn't care about her friend Froggy.

Froggy was a careful frog. One day, Froggy decided to teach the fox a lesson.

Foxy was in her bed sleeping when Froggy made her room an entire mess. She got up, and then her mother berated her for not cleaning her room. From now on, she is a careful fox.

My best friend got ligma. (Ah, did he? Sorry bro.) LIGMA BALLS!

A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"

Me: Jaiden telling orphan jokes to my friend.

That orphan behind me...

Me: Let's go to Randy's.

Friend: There's no Randy's.

Me: Ran deez nuts with a car.

Me: Can I borrow your CD?

Friend: What CD?

Me: See deez nuts in your mouth.